The Christmas Stress Begins

20Oct08

Yes, it is the middle of October and yes the stress of Christmas is already getting to me. I grew up watching my mother plan ahead for Christmas by shopping year round for gifts so that she could get everyone what she wanted without having to worry about the money. While I have yet to pick up shopping before June I have started shopping early just for that reason. I mean seriously I think it was June or May when we bought the Christmas gifts for M’s friends. So I started doing my shopping this weekend especially since M’s mom and our niece have birthdays in November so I thought it best to get them squared away on both counts.

So I still have my Mom, Dad, Sister & her husband (and their son), and brother to shop for. We have a lot of people to shop for and M was wondering how I wasn’t done shopping cause I did so much this weekend. I explained to him that yes I did but that covered 2 birthdays and 2 christmas gifts. I have decided to go light on my brother and sister, I know they will understand the money crunch. I believe I still have like $250 I need to spend on all those listed above. Then I had to plan for M’s gifts as well.

Well, M had stated earlier in the week or last weekend, I can’t remember which, he would help out with gifts and give me some money. Somewhere between $100 and $200 of which I don’t recall and don’t care, I was just happy that he stated such and I would have the help. He has always helped out in the cost of buying presents for the past two years so I didn’t expect there to be any change.

Well, It looks like he is coming into some extra money because he sold some tools of his that he didn’t use anymore which is awesome cause it gives him around an extra $500. We started talking about what he would spend that on and blah blah blah. I was actually excited he was getting that extra money because I know it makes him feel better and I do want him to get some stuff that he has been really wanting to get. (We discussed garage storage selves from costco cause he has been talking about those for a while and then he would still have extra money). I brought up Christmas. I don’t know where it came from. I wasn’t asking for him to give me that extra money for it. I was just bringing it up and how much is left for me to do and the extra cost it is I think. I don’t remember too clearly this part and how it lead into everything else. Then he brings up how I should work extra days (the Wednesdays that I have been working though the past two for only half days) cause that is extra money and that would pay for Christmas, or help out. I kind of just stared at him. Wondering if he was then going to mention him giving me some to help with it. I Started to mention his earlier in the week offer of giving me money.  Then you could see him remembering that he said that and the “aw crap” lights turning on in his head as he thought about how all his extra precious money wasn’t going towards just what he wanted to spend because I guess he had promised $200 and such (which I don’t even need or want a whole extra $200 if this is how things are going to be) so he was bumming in his head.  He continued to state how my working more would pay for the extra help I needed and that it was essentially his money too so it was like him helping out.  WTF?  are you kidding me?  Yes, his money is my money and my money is his but long ago he stated that any extra money I get I should just keep for myself as extra spending money.  My first paycheck I didn’t because I wanted to put it into savings to build our savings.  I want us to be able to get a house when we move and I don’t want him to think I didn’t help.  So for this month of working $400 would have gone into savings.  This next paycheck I had decided to keep whatever extra to help with the Christmas gifts anyways.  He then tells me well, with that extra money I have more spending money than him (for this month it would make it $30 extra dollars) and how he is helping out (I was only talking Christmas but he got all freaking defensive and thinks I am saying our whole lives, which crap I know he makes a ton more money and is working a ton harder to pay for all of our freaking bills).  I looked at him and said how I couldn’t believe him helping me out paying for Christmas was telling me work work more and use the extra money for the presents.  I told him i thought helping was him having to use some of his spending money to help because that is what I am doing.  It doesn’t have to be a lot but something.  This has never been a problem before so I don’t get it.  I don’t even want $200.  I would be happy with just an extra $100.  I am taking the time to do the shopping and picking out the gifts so he doesn’t have to do that if he doesn’t want to.

I was just, I don’t know, I felt very hurt last night.  I mean, come on, work more and that should pay for it without him having to help?  It doesn’t even take into account the presents I still have to buy him but I don’t think I could afford if I am paying for it all, even with extra work days.  I mean next month I wont have as many extra days because of Thanksgiving week.  I doubt he considers that or cares but still.  

I was just very sad and hurt.  I said some things that weren’t all cream and sugar also.  It somehow lead into if he gets a raise is the extra money his and such.  I think that stemmed from me working a extra day a week and the money being my spending money (which he stated, not me in the beginning, but then he changed his mind to suit him and it became ours – said to the woman who would put it all in savings if she could).  I just don’t know.   He hurt me, I said stuff that I guess hurt him and it ended with him saying he will give me money and me saying keep it cause yeah I didn’t realize how he felt about holding on to all his spending money.  I doubt I will take any money either,  my pride is too hurt.  I just don’t know if he will be getting a decent Christmas gift this year.

I have rambled on for too long.  Honey if I hurt you or stated something in here that bugs you I am sorry.  I was just typing what I thought and flushing it all out of my head.  You know I love you.

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