I Bored My Niece

15Oct08

I lead a pretty boring life, what can I say.  This would be why I have not posted. Worked Yesterday, and worked half a day today.  I don’t think M quite understands some things.  I get a little upset about this job because I was happy with Tuesday Thursday with Wednesday flexable.  That to me meant maybe every other Wednesday.  One of the girls in the office however would prefer me to work every Wednesday and as such pushes for it.  I am annoyed.   This job is such that I am back up, mean I get the jobs no one else really wants to do.  The little stuff.  Yes I am in the procedure room manning the fluoroscope.  This can be fun.  Yes I don’t want to do it all the time.  I asked to be given a break from it tomorrow for a portion of the morning (not the whole morning) and I realized that I was bursting someones bubble of joy and relief of not having to do it anymore.  This is one of the reason I don’t want to be there more than what i agreed to because well, I would go insane.  I do the not so fun jobs and well this isn’t a job I see myself doing forever and it isn’t a job to make a career out of.  

I need to be my own boss I think but I don’t know when I will get to that point.  The other reason is this.  M and I having recently moved are also dealing with him having to do a lot of heavy commuting for work and well there is stress in our relationship.  If I was working full time and then have to come home and do the laundry, dishes and dinner I know that I am going to be mad, mean, bitchy and unhappy.  I would do all those things also because of M’s having to commute over and hour and so he is tired when he gets home.  If I work only part time like this then my coming home and doing those things won’t lead to me be as resentful as I could be if I was working full time.  I know, poor me. Yeah, yeah shut up.  

We are doing good financially.  We are.  We are saving lots of money in my opinion and we each have a good bit of spending money each month too.  We are doing good.  I know M wishes I was working more though.  I hate that feeling. I work at home too so I just wish that he would understand that this job I am working at is a great job for right now in the situation we are in.  We get extra money and I am kept active.  But I don’t like working Wednesdays when I wasn’t planning on it.  I like the every other Wednesday.  I hate being bored at work and I don’t like being the dumping girl, where everything goes.  I am fine being the dumping girl two days a week, otherwise leave me alone.  I don’t want to invest a lot of time or emotion into a job that in 6-8 months I might not be at still.  I just don’t.  Working in Doctors offices is stressful.  It just is.  I miss the bank where I could go home at the end of the day and feel like the job was done and not stress about.  I am already stressing about this part time job.  So I am sorry if I don’t want to work every freaking Wednesday.  I don’t want to feel guilty about.  I just wish M realized I work at that job but also at home too.  Yes I want help on Weekends, everyone deserves help and a break.  Crap.  I wish he got this.  Maybe he does.  I don’t know.  

My shoulder is hurting with a deep dull cold ache.  I have a heating pad on it.  I feel old.  I have rambled on long enough.  Ignore me.

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