The calm before the storm

24Aug08

Of course he would be nice and sweet to me and make me happy before crushing everything.  Last night I cried harder than I have in months.  I told him I didn’t want to have a child with him if it meant that I couldn’t raise it.  He assumed I would have the child and then go back to work and his mom would take care of it.  I don’t want his mom raising/taking care of our child.  Alas I was told that my mom raising me and his mom raising him were different times and that we aren’t as lucky and that if millions of parents can have children and make it work then we can.  I won’t have his mom raise my child.  I have to live with the woman and get no choice like I am giving her my child to raise also.  I don’t know what is going on anymore.  I don’t know what is happening with us.  I don’t know about anything anymore.  I want to live my life without someone telling me how I will live it.  I just feel so confused and messed up right now.  I want a baby with him, but not if my future with said child revolves around money and someone else raising our child, even if it is his mother (who I have issues with).

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