Horrible at details

18Mar08

I feel that I am rather bad when it comes to describing in detail my day or thoughts about the day.  I think I just get lazy and write the short version. So I guess I will try and get better about that.

Last night M and I talked about preparing for the worst in life.  He had to select beneficiaries for his life insurance.  I didn’t realize there would be much to talk about with that.  I just assumed you put your spouse, that is what I was going to do.  Then came his concern for his mom.  He wants to make sure she is taken care of should he pass which I can understand completely.  He loves his mom and why not, she is a great woman with a lot of love in her heart.  I asked him if I could get 90% at least, he kept saying 80% I don’t know why but I feel like I should get at the least 90% especially if we have a house, child and I am paying for funeral cost (lets not forget two car payments and other bills).  He made some comment about me getting it all of most of it only if I agree to let his mom live with me for a little bit (a few months each year since she travels and visits and stays with her other children).  I said that was fine but then made some stupid crack about it being awkward for “when I remarry”  I was joking.  I can’t think of remarrying or finding another love.   He is my everything and I would feel nothing but horrible guilt if I thought about giving my love to someone else.  I will have friends and family and animals to give my love to.  Well, he said something about “of course you will remarry”  and I just burst into tears.  How he could think about that so easily is beyond me.  He is my everything and as much time as I get to spend with him filling my life with love is what I should be content with.  I can’t think of moving on.  So yeah.  Of course I would take care of his mom and let her live with me because she is family, family is everything to me.  Yes I don’t care for the idea of living with family right now.  M and I are just starting out and we need time to get to know each other still, get into a routine.  We are still learning so much about each other and strengthening our relationship.  I will admit that when she was living with us it made things so much harder for me and him.  I just want some more time of just him and me.  I have always been a person who has a thing about space.  Maybe because I never had any with my own family and just love having my own space now. 

So that was my evening.  As for today not much else of much importance.  One girl is out on vacation and another called in “sick” today.  Luckily it wasn’t that bad of a day so we were able to handle being shorthanded.  I want my review though, and a raise.  I don’t think I will get one until after the girl is back from vacation though because then we will be able to handle me and another person being gone for the front line. 

I think I am going to try to tan either by tanning beds or lotion.  I know M would prefer me to be tan.  I am so freaking white and while I got to a point were I accepted myself I know he would just like to see a healthy tan on me.  I wish people would just love my skin how it is but most people like to see tan skin.  I also need to lose so much weight, at least 10lbs.  I have a huge stomach role and often wonder what M sees in my body if anything.

 Okay, done with the days ramble for now.

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