Trials & Trips

Tears of Fear

deepshades — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:10:00 +0000

I can’t help but feel with each passing day I am a day closer to being induced. I should be thinking that with each passing day I am a day closer to meeting my baby but an induction terrifies me and so that is what the count down seems to be for. I want to go into labor on my own, I want her to come when she is ready. I don’t want them telling me I have to have her by this day or else they will get her out. I am scared of a c-section. I am afraid she rather come closer to 42 weeks, and they will only give her just after 41. So I sit in fear crying my eyes out because the count down to the 12th is getting closer. I will be 27 on the 13th and that doesn’t even register. All I know is I am ready to meet her and want her to come out, but on her own without all the drugs. Please Addison, come out soon for mommy, on your own and healthy.

Saddness at Waiting

deepshades — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 06:10:31 +0000

Okay this is going to be short and sweet. I have been feeling blue today over not going into labor yet. I am done, not that I am tired of being pregnant. I want to meet her and I want to meet her naturally without induction. I want to go into labor on my own and I want to meet my little girl. So I am a bit blue today.

Welcome to my EDD

deepshades — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 20:56:51 +0000

Today is my estimated due date and I would like to welcome you all to the party in my tummy. Addison is enjoying the warmth of being inside there and is rather snug. Making no apparent signs of vacating any time soon, no dropping, no (excuse the tmi) mucus plug loss or bloody show and no painful contractions! Woo. Okay, I am getting impatient. I can’t help it. I had hoped to meet her by now. I am not tired of being pregnant, I just want to hold my daughter. Wow, my daughter. So weird to say. I still just want to meet her and hold her and let her change my world. I am also scared of her waiting too long and doctor wanting to induce me. I don’t want to be induced but I am afraid to tell him no and have him tell me to find a new doctor. It is a little late in the game for that. So I hope she comes soon.

Happy New Year!

deepshades — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 16:52:58 +0000

I went to bed early and listened to the rain and fireworks. Yup I am a party animal. Also I was having some bathroom trouble either that was brought on my contractions I was having or brought on the contractions (but not labor or a baby). All I have to say is the pain of that was horrible and I can’t imagine how the women who drink castor oil to induce labor must feel cause that just sucked. I hope everyone has a great day.

Still Cooking

deepshades — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 15:26:47 +0000

Yesterday’s NST went well. Addison was very active and had good responses. Needless to say she is still cooking. Can’t help but feel anxious but what can you do. I don’t want her to come out before she is ready but lets hope she is ready before the doctor. Payday means time to go buy some food which is good cause we need it. Not much else has been happening with me, just sitting and waiting, walking and waiting, boom boom and waiting. So happy New Year’s Eve and may the new year bring great things!

The Waiting Game

deepshades — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:45:32 +0000

The holidays were good. I surprised my parents with stockings which they haven’t gotten in over maybe 30 years. My mom was extremely excited. It felt good to that for them. I got the last of the baby things I needed including the swing which I set up Christmas day. My dad and M put up the valances and then my mom and I went shopping at Ross bought a bunch of stuff to go above the kitchen cabinets since all the Christmas stuff came down. I was able to get everything to compact down into rubbermaid bins which allowed us to get more open shelves in the garage which made M pretty happy.

Still pregnant, still waiting. We were hoping she would be coming around Christmas as I a great surprise but nope. I had my 39 week OB appt today. They all had expected me to pop already because of how she was acting. Did my NST again today which I passed but they weren’t overly happy with how she was rebounding. So I go back in tomorrow for another NST to see if she does any better. I didn’t notice good BH contractions like I did the week before so that bugged me. I hope she comes soon. I just want to meet her. If she holds out then she will just be the best birthday present I could ask for I suppose:)

New Hobbies and What not

deepshades — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 23:19:34 +0000

I spent the majority of Saturday sewing and wow was my upper back hurting me. I had to constantly remind myself to use good posture but it was a tad difficult since I never have good posture. Someday I might, and maybe with sewing I will learn to have it. I worked a tad bit on the blanket on Sunday but otherwise spent the day with M. I was a wee bit grumpy due in part to lack of food and then largely because I am hormonal and pregnant and thus cranky on occasion. However, Sunday was a very productive day as was the whole weekend. We bought a new set of knives, an iron, new sleep pillows, a chest freezer, and valances for the living room. All of which was made possible by the end of year bonus. Most of the bonus went into our health savings account, then some into regular savings, another portion to the car and then some remain to above mentioned items. The chest freezer was a great deal. It is only 5.0 cubic feet but we were going to buy it at costco for 149.99 with no way to get it home except ask a neighbor. I wanted to take a peek at the ones Lowes had and they had one for $20 more but with free delivery. I mentioned to the sales guy how our pause was caused by it being $20 cheaper at Costco and he instantly said no problem I will take off $20. WOOO! M was so happy that I said something cause he was thinking it would be worth an extra $20 to have it delivered. So score.

OB appointment today went well. He says things are progressing nicely and that she can come out at anytime.

Also just made a pasta salad that I normally love eating but had to use different salad dressing and well, yuck. It is all M’s.

Sewtastic!

deepshades — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:41:44 +0000

As a Christmas gift to myself I bought a sewing machine. It is something I wanted because I would like to take up sewing and didn’t think I would actually buy one today but I did. I got a Singer that was on sale for 98.99 at Joann’s and even tried it out a little bit today. Of course after getting home I look it up online and there are several bad reviews for it. I have to hope that part of those are more experienced sewers rather than a beginner like me who doesn’t need a lot of bells and whistles, or $3000 machines. I am going to start out by making some blankets for my nieces. I bought some fabric, granted not enough as I found out tonight, and will work on them so that they can be the birthday gifts. However, the one I working on first is for my niece who’s birthday is in November. Kid better like pink still at that time, and lets hope I don’t just give it to her early. Who am I kidding, most likely I will. I am just so excited to have something to do other than watch t.v., go on the internet or read a book. Those have been my hobbies/past times for years so I need to branch out. I did try taking up painting this past September and did about 4 paintings but there is only so much wall space and it is hard to give “so-so” art out as gifts. So on to sewing!

Not sure if I mentioned this, I think it happened on Wednesday but I can’t remember. Ran myself right into the end of a door. Hurt like a mother. . . and scared the crap out me. I called the Dr. just make sure I had enough padding going on to only jar the baby which they said I did. Hurt me pretty good though. I don’t plan on repeating that anytime soon, I hope.

Holy Hormonal Break Down Batman!

deepshades — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:36:42 +0000

So yesterday was one extrememly stressful day for me. Sunday night I was checking out our bank accounts when I noticed that money was missing out of an account and it happened to be a large chunk. Turns out the bank lost a deposit of ours before Thanksgiving and even though I went in and thought I got them to fix it they ended up taking the money back out thinking it was a mistake that we had it in there. So I flipped out Sunday night and could not sleep I was so mad! I dealt with the issue already and then it gets reversed and no one contacts me. So I was up until 1:30am Monday morning before being tired enough to sleep. I calmed down though and figured I would just go back in after my OB appt and get it fixed.

OB appt went well. During my NST baby was very active which was nice to see. I also got to see a few uterus contracts. Asked the Dr. questions on what I will need to do now that I am full term and could go in to labor anytime and left feeling good. I drove back across town to the bank. Talked with the same banker who helped me back in November. She remembered me and that was good. I told her they took the money back out. She looks through the account and claims to have found the reason. She states that after she had credited one of our accounts the money that the back office had found the error and credited a different account of ours the money. I told her they didn’t but she said she can see two deposits for the same amount in that account which is why they would have taken back out the money she put in. I told her it didn’t add up that if that was the case we would have no extra money in our account they credited us (because those deposits I do each month go direct into savings after I deposit). She then did the wrong thing, she told me that if I was missing money that that was a concern and she would be happy to go over my register with me. I worked at a bank a couple years ago so I know what that translates to “the bank is not wrong you are, you lost your own money” Oh hell no. I go home, log on to online banking and lo and behold they don’t show two deposits into that account and the balance is the same she was showing me. I was right. I hit print and drive my ass back down to catch her before lunch, which I did. I show her there is not two deposits, just the one. She looks. . hmm. . . she sees it doesn’t seem to add up. She has me log onto my online banking at her station and sees that yes I am correct, the bank still hasn’t freaking given us our money (several hundred btw!). So she makes a call, does another research request and then asks if I can get a copy of the checks. So now I have a call into the people who send the checks to find out if one of them has even been cashed and if so if they can send us copies. If not then I have to have the check re issued cause the bank lost them! All because the teller who did the transaction when I brought them in tried to deposit both checks into the same account even though I had two different deposits slips for two different accounts.

I went crazy when I was at home printing out my online banking. M tried calling me and I was flipping out that I had been told I lost several hundred rather than bank error. He freaked out and drove right home because he was so afraid I was going to go into labor because of the stress. After the bank M and I had lunch and snuggled on the couch which I really needed.

Yesterday was also our 2 year anniversary. I love him and am glad I married him. Even if he doesn’t know that when your wife is pregnant and hits the last few weeks of pregnancy she goes insane and needs extra TLC. I have been emotionally smooth the last few months but not anymore. Lots of anxiety and easily set off and easy to cry. Fun fun fun. I hope it doesn’t mean anything for after the baby is born.

Unnecessary Dreamin

deepshades — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 19:00:35 +0000

I dreamt a lot last night. Some nights I remember my dreams more than others and last night was one of them since I dreamt about having the baby. I have had only two other dreams during the pregnancy. First was really weird, I had the baby and it was a girl (dream was before we knew the sex) and I went to change her diaper. Only where her female parts should be was a mouth. Yeah, not sure what that one meant. Then the other dream was I delievered her and M and I were so excited and just happy. Then last night I dreamt that I had to have a c-section. I am laying on the table being given medicine and then they start cutting. They cut me along the left side of my abdomen which was some new way of doing it. They took her and took her to a different room to my husband. I kept asking why I needed a c-section and the Dr. would only give some lame excuse that I would not have been able to push her out because I didn’t know how to push right. Yet they never even gave me a chance to push. I was pissed and upset.

I guess one can only expect to have more weird dreams as time draws close.