Lets Talk About Sex

I have been trying to analyze M and mines sex life lately as I try and figure out why I have some issues with certain sexual positions. I read it in magazines and on the net, men like sex with women on top. M likes it best with me on top. I hate it. Why do I hate it is my big question. Why do I resist and dislike a position men and women seem to love? I have thought about it and I think one of the things is it makes me feel like I am serving him, and I hate that feeling. I want it to be us working together. What makes me feel like I am serving him though is he tends to just lay back and put his hands behind his head and will often close his eyes. He doesn’t interact with me like he does it other positions. Then I feel bad because he always asks me to get on top and I tell him no because then I lose my enthusiasim because of what I stated. I try and interact with him when he is on top because it would be weird if I just laid there while he did his stuff. So then the question becomes, how do I fix this? How do I make the on top position something I can look forward to? I guess I can talk some with him about it. I just want full interaction. Any thoughts?

Doctor’s Note

I went in bright and early into the urgent care and found that yes indeed I have a throat infection. I came back home after spending an hour and half in the store waiting to receive my medicine. I laid on the couch in front of the heater and barely moved today. I miss M. A lot. This training is getting tougher. I just want my husband with me more. I want him so bad. I love him. Being sick makes it even harder. How do some women do it?

Ache

I hurt all, over. My body aches in my lower body especially. My skin hurts to touch. One moment M is doing something so sweet because I am and then the next he is making dumbass comments that just piss me off. I mean, hello, I am sick why would I want to have sex at this particular moment?! I just wish he would take care of me hold me, and not make dumbass comments. Cause, really he is good at caring for about 65% of the time. Even cancelled going out of town tonight he says for me. Then he starts talking about how he is going to get him some tonight and I tell him to stop joking cause I feel like crap and he goes, “well, I wasn’t really joking.” Really!?!?! WTF? I love him though he is a pain in my ass sometimes.

My throat hurts and my ears are starting to too.

Slacker

That I am. So it has been a while since I last posted. M’s mom visited and left last Thursday. She is a great lady and I could tell she was enjoying having a break not having to fix people dinners and such and actually having others do that instead. She really needs to move away from her other son who just uses her, she deserves better.

I celebrated my 26th birthday! Yay, I don’t feel older, and I don’t feel bad about turning another year older it is kind of nice. Weird to think my sister had a kid already by this age though. M was awesome. He brough flowers, ballons, candy and cake to my work and then decorated the house. I hope he realizes now I will expect similar treatment in years to come! That is okay, I do the same for him and look forward to what I can think of next year to make his day special. I love that man. Oh! He and his momma got me a Wii Fit! They came instock on my birthday at the local Wal-mart so they got one at the regular price (stupid internet retailers charging over $100!). I have done it 5 or 6 times and it states that my bmi is at a steady decline. Not sure what to attribute that to since I don’t think one week of using it would cause me to loose weight but if it continues that would be awesome. I think I need to change my goal. I am doing more of the aerobics and yoga on it. Granted I hate the running and refuse to run in place. Maybe if I did it on the treadmill.

Went out shopping this weekend and just really enjoyed my time with M. He doesn’t realize it often but he is my only friend in this new town and I depend on him a lot and have a tendency to want to spend all of our weekend time with him only since he is gone durning the week a lot. In fact because of an array of circumastance we ended up having a fight last night, or at least we had a me yelling / crying at him while he kept saying “I am sorry, I love you, lets go to bed.” Marriage is tough, it is work and it means a lot of compromise and looking inward at ourselves. I have a lot of improvement I need to do. I hope excercising each day will help lower my stress and make me more easy going. He is working on him self too and I do notice. He is helping out a lot more with the house work. I am feeling like we are team with it. I love him so much.

Finally today we went and saw Bride Wars which I loved. He liked the ending but did not enjoy seeing them hurt each other. It made me miss my friend Lynn, but luckily she is coming for a visit this weekend and I am so excited.

That is my rather pitiful recap of my week.

Rapid Heart Rate

For the past week I had started taking my blood pressure at work and noticed that my pulse averaged 100 bpm resting, and 122 after walking, just walking.  I weight 138lb am 26 and 5′3″ and so this is not normal.  I am nervous.  I am trying to get in with a doctor but they are booked a month out for establishing a primary care doc.  Bah.  I am self diagnosing and that is making it worse.  I am sitting here wondering if I have hyperthyroidism, graves disease blah blah blah.  So nervous.  I can feel that my heart rate is going pretty decent and making me feel revved.  Should I be worried?  I so am.  Oh and then on Thursday I had a high pulse and low blood pressure.