Me and my freaking stubbornness

So crapy nights sleep.  I think it was because M wasn’t there and I felt guilty and just wanted to make everything better but couldn’t.  I fear that I am pushing him away by being my emotional stubborn self. He is stubborn too which doesn’t help but at least his stubbornness has kept him around through all my tantrums and emotional mood swings.

The latest topic of drama?  Holidays and where we are spending them.  He decided he wanted to visit half of the people in his old town and I flipped out because it sounded like it was going to take at least 2 days of our vacation and we only have 4 days that don’t include travel to visit with friends and family.  I was upset because I wanted to spend a little bit more than just two days with my family.  I told him in the future if this is something he wants to do then we need to take a longer vacation so that I don’t feel like I have to cut short the time I get with my family.  Granted that was what was stated at the end of argument/fight that ruined the weekend, at least for me.  He could understand that.  I think he is going to try and go golfing with most of his buddies on Friday and then Saturday we will go up and visit the other set.  That gives me 3 full days with my parents which I need badly.  I told him, and meant it, that I don’t resent him for moving me away from my family because I chose to follow him, that was my choice.  I just tend to resent him when he decides he wants to take 4 days of vacation and see 20 different people when I just want to spend time with my family and his adoptive family not all of his friends.  I think he understood.  I hope he does.  I love him, I don’t want this to cause more problems between us.

The Silly

I am currently watching 10.5 Apocolypse.  The original one made me laugh and so does this one.  Still I can’t take my eyes off of it.  I guess it just comes from what little geology I did have before leaving school that makes me laugh a bit.  Granted it is better than watching nothing.

We worked on the Christmas lights today.  Almost finished, I think it will look cool.  I even did a tree outline with some of the lights.  I would love more lights to put up but oh well.  M realized I was right today about having more lights.  Lol, figures.  He states he still will most likely not listen to me in the future.  Great.

Side note, I keep getting side pains and they are a bit confusing and annoying.  I am a bit worried as to what they could be but that is all I am.  We are still trying for a baby but no luck yet.  I don’t get how it is that some people get so lucky the first time they have sex with someone and then others can try and plan and nothing for a long time.  I mean it has only been 3-4 months that we have been trying but still, if I had known this about my chances I would have not been so paranoid in the beginning.

The Waiting Ends

So today M and I , even though M had a bum back, went and watched “Twilight”.  So what do I feel about it?  Not bad, not amazing either.  I liked it.  I felt that Pattison’s Edward was a bit awkward in the beginning, especially him having to act unhappy and not wanting to be around Bella.  It got better when he showed happiness.  He is definitely good at acting about being happy but angst, a little hard to watch.  Granted it got much better as the movie went on.  It held pretty true to the book, a few changes that I didn’t care for but again, oh well, still was good.  I hope the other movies are good as well.  

We put up part of our outdoor xmas lights too which is nice.  I can’t wait for all of them.  I am also very excited about being able to see my family this week.  Turkey dinner is also sounding so very good!  Yum.  Indoor decorations are all about done.

Funny how I am so not wanting to read right now.  The four days of twilight reading  of all four books has burnt me out.  At least I’ve got my wonderful husband who bought me Wall-e so that I could watch it and now own it so when we have children I can say “Wall-e!” to them as we watch it.

Oh Where To Begin

Almost sounds like I am going to tell you a ton of interesting things that happened to me doesn’t it?  Well, I am not.  Haha.  No, sorry, that was mean.  I lead such a boring life.  If it wasn’t for my emotional fits of despair and insecurity I swear there would be not much show of difference in my day to day existence.  Yeah.

To start I am really looking forward to the Twilight movie premiere.  I haven’t checked to see if it is sold out yet, but the town in small so here is to hoping not.

Major changes in my life. . . I have found music again.  It is strange, for a long time growing up I would always listen to the radio, or CDs especially as I fell to sleep.  A lot of the time fantasizing about me being a kick butt woman, taking charge of her life not scared of anything.  However, for the past 4 years or more that went away.  I stopped buying a lot of CDs, listening to the radio or even just listening to music outside of the car.  I don’t know why.  Then something happened this past week and I am alive with the need to listen to music again.  Granted for the past two months I started buying some CDs again (like 3 or something) and then just the need to listen to music, and not just country music anymore, has exploded.  All I have ever really listened too for so long is Country.  Now, I don’t want country.  I want Rock, Alternative and Pop.  Something with a fast beat that makes me want to dance.  I want to feel alive with the music.  I like Paramore, never heard of them until last week, but I love them.  I want kick butt with P!nk and know that I am a Crazy Bitch that is Too Drunk with Buckcherry.  I don’t know, I don’t know what happened.  So what does one woman who has the need for music do?  Yup, I got an IPod Nano.  I only have 256 songs on it so far from what CDs I have but I have a wish list I created as i have gone through Itunes and have at least 15 songs I want to buy.  Give me more time I bet I will have at least 100 more.  

So do any of you have recommendations for songs that meet my needs?  Once we get paid I am spending like $30 to buy individual songs cause i just need it.  Yes, they do make me think of myself as a butt kicker again.  Maybe it will help me find the desire and motivation to drop 10lbs and feel even more awesome about myself.  Amazing how the need for music is making me feel good.  Amazing how much I am in love with my purple 16GB IPod Nano, and Itunes kicks butt.  Just my opinion but yeah, I believe it.

Oh, we also bought a new tv and stereo system.  I still love my IPod more though.  Best money I have every spent.  I just need more songs.

And Where were You?

I was strapped with handcuffs to the Twilight Saga this past weekend.  Yes, from Thursday until Monday I was reading. . . all four books.  Yeah, so sad.  Poor M wanted to throw the books out, cause he was a little jealous that I couldn’t put these books down, even for him (well I did, but not often).  

I hated book two, felt okay about book three, loved book four and one the best.  Now I am excited for the movie.  

Other than that I have just been working and chillin cause I am cool like that.  We are considering buying a toshiba tv and I have decided I want an IPod cause dude I have itunes and would love an IPod and such.  I liked the sound track to twilight that i have heard, I want Britney Spears new CD when it comes out (I know, again I am so sad) and I don’t know, some high energy songs.

How have you been?