Feeling Accomplished

This past weekend I got so much done, or at least I felt like I did.  I took off all the old caulking around the tub/shower that was cracking and peeling, as well as, filled with mold and mildew.  So I took that off and put on new stuff.  Then I patched the wall next to the shower that had water damage.  Mold had grown on it too.  They have had water damage before I saw.  Then I patched the hole in a closet door.  I washed dishes like 3 times and cooked a fabulous riblet dinner.  I tell you I felt good.

I am still waiting for my review at work.  I am hoping for a good raise but am so scared I wont get it.  The reason I am scared is because I like work right now and believe I do a great job there.  If I am denied a raise I know that I am going to have a hard time working for a place that doesn’t want to pay well.  If I was just making a dollar more I might feel a little better about myself.

Mylie did not win the bissel photo contest.  No new vacuum for me but oh well, I know she is cute.  She did really well at puppy class.  She is getting so much better.  She has learned to jump out of the crib which is a scary notion.  I don’t want to crate her in a small carrier.

My life just isn’t that exciting. I say that with a smile on my face though.  I do love my life.

Feeling like shit

M didn’t get the promotion.  3 kids of guys on the interview pannel or higher ups in the company got the top three positions, they didn’t even work for the company.  I feel bad for M because he feels like he failed but he didn’t.  He did all he could do.  I feel like a failure.  I mean I make $9 an hour.  Big deal.  I have an AA degree, plus years of college after that but I am only worth $9 an hour.  I use to get paid at least $9.50 an hour but lost that when I moved.  I feel worthless.  I don’t feel qualified for anything that pays decent.  I wish I could contribute more to us financially.  I feel like I am failing us.  Maybe I should get a second job.  I slept so shitty because I felt like I failed M and myself.  Why am I not worth more?!

Sorry for the pity party.

Been a while

I started to write an entry a few days ago when M’s computer ate it.  I was tired and not about to restart it.  I finally settled down after the Friday of total fear.  However, we broke lent that weekend because of all the stress that was caused by that day.  We had a good few days though, it just does not seem like us to go everyday straight.  Oh well, we tried.

Mylie had her flippen spay and hernia surgery.  I hate Banfield Pet Hospital.  They are a complete rip off.  They initially told us that the hernia surgery on top of the spay would be around $150, $200 tops.  Well, I guess it is at the doctors discretion the day of surgery so it was an additional $282 (with a 10% discount b/c we are on the “wellness plan”) bunch of shit.  They claim that if we were not on the wellness plan that everything would have cost $1300.  Well, if we had gone to my old vet in my old town it would have cost at most $500 for both surgeries and that is the high end and they provided quality service.  Banfield is such a rip off.  I started reading up on them and found out that others have had problems with them.  Once I pay off that stupid plan I am done with them.  Don’t ever go to them.

Other than that, not much going on here.  We will find out either Friday or Monday if M got the promotion and so we might be moving or staying here.  I hope he gets it.

Normal, what is it

I am feeling normal. Things seem fine at work again. I don’t have the scare in me like I did Monday. I hope to never have to feel like that at work again. M got me tulips for v day. He is so sweet, they are the type that I can plant. He is very sweet. I got him nadda but cards, I am bad.

Okay I have very little to say. I am so boring. But I do have one thing, please vote for my dog!. If I win this week then I get a free vacuum. I really want that vacuum.

So that is it for me, I have laundry to do and then give my dog a bath and what not.

Have you ever had that fear so great. . .?

Friday morning started off great for me. I was awake and happy to know I was going to be seeing my parents that night. Walked into work and everything was fine, it was Friday, you can’t fuck up a Friday. Wrong. I work in a financial institution and yes when I started working there I knew there would be risks that came with the job. I was and am aware of the risk and felt very prepared for it. Then a new risk cropped up and I very quickly realized that I this new risk I am not prepared for. My supervisor pulled me aside and informed me that the night before someone had called a hotline and threatened that he was going to go into a bank in our town (he never stated which one) and shoot everyone there dead. The detective that called said not to panic they were not sure how valid it was and that they were looking into it but in the meantime everyone should be very aware of their surroundings and to be alert. Several banks in our town closed while others only helped one customer at a time. We stayed open with our secruity officer standing outside watching everyone. I had never felt so much fear. I was greatly relieved when the clock struck closing.

We then drove down to my parents. I was so happy to see them. We went out to dinner with them on Saturday to this great steak house that is expensive but excellent and then afterwards went to see Ron White perform. We had a really great night. I then proceeded to do our taxes until after midnight. We owe around $400 which sucks but can’t be helped. If we get that refund from the fed for $1200 M said I could buy myself a Macbook with it. I really really want a new laptop and a Mac at that.

As we left today I burst into tears because I am literally afraid for my life still. I am afraid this is the last time I will see my family. I am scared to go into work tomorrow and would rather not. It makes me want to find a new job. I hate who ever decided to be this cruel and make that threat. How can anyone be so callous to cause such terror in people who are just trying to do their job and make a living. I don’t know what I am going to do but I have to go to work tomorrow I am just so scared. I love my husband, I love my family. I am not ready to leave them behind. I want to see them tomorrow, next week and for years to come.