Tears of Fear

06Jan10

I can’t help but feel with each passing day I am a day closer to being induced.  I should be thinking that with each passing day I am a day closer to meeting my baby but an induction terrifies me and so that is what the count down seems to be for.  I want to go into labor on my own, I want her to come when she is ready.  I don’t want them telling me I have to have her by this day or else they will get her out.  I am scared of a c-section.  I am afraid she rather come closer to 42 weeks, and they will only give her just after 41.  So I sit in fear crying my eyes out because the count down to the 12th is getting closer.  I will be 27 on the 13th and that doesn’t even register.  All I know is I am ready to meet her and want her to come out, but on her own without all the drugs. Please Addison, come out soon for mommy, on your own and healthy.


Okay this is going to be short and sweet.  I have been feeling blue today over not going into labor yet.  I am done, not that I am tired of being pregnant.  I want to meet her and I want to meet her naturally without induction.  I want to go into labor on my own and I want to meet my little girl.  So I am a bit blue today.


Today is my estimated due date and I would like to welcome you all to the party in my tummy.  Addison is enjoying the warmth of being inside there and is rather snug.  Making no apparent signs of vacating any time soon, no dropping, no (excuse the tmi) mucus plug loss or bloody show and no painful contractions!  Woo.  Okay, I am getting impatient.  I can’t help it.  I had hoped to meet her by now.  I am not tired of being pregnant, I just want to hold my daughter.  Wow, my daughter.  So weird to say.  I still just want to meet her and hold her and let her change my world.  I am also scared of her waiting too long and doctor wanting to induce me.  I don’t want to be induced but I am afraid to tell him no and have him tell me to find a new doctor.  It is a little late in the game for that.  So I hope she comes soon.


Happy New Year!

01Jan10

I went to bed early and listened to the rain and fireworks.  Yup I am a party animal.  Also I was having some bathroom trouble either that was brought on my contractions I was having or brought on the contractions (but not labor or a baby).  All  I have to say is the pain of that was horrible and I can’t imagine how the women who drink castor oil to induce labor must feel cause that just sucked.  I hope everyone has a great day.


Still Cooking

31Dec09

Yesterday’s NST went well.  Addison was very active and had good responses.  Needless to say she is still cooking.  Can’t help but feel anxious but what can you do.  I don’t want her to come out before she is ready but lets hope she is ready before the doctor.  Payday means time to go buy some food which is good cause we need it.  Not much else has been happening with me, just sitting and waiting, walking and waiting, boom boom and waiting.  So happy New Year’s Eve and may the new year bring great things!


The holidays were good.  I surprised my parents with stockings which they haven’t gotten in over maybe 30 years.  My mom was extremely excited.  It felt good to that for them.  I got the last of the baby things I needed including the swing which I set up Christmas day.  My dad and M put up the valances and then my mom and I went shopping at Ross bought a bunch of stuff to go above the kitchen cabinets since all the Christmas stuff came down.  I was able to get everything to compact down into rubbermaid bins which allowed us to get more open shelves in the garage which made M pretty happy.

Still pregnant, still waiting.  We were hoping she would be coming around Christmas as I a great surprise but nope.  I had my 39 week OB appt today.  They all had expected me to pop already because of how she was acting.  Did my NST again today which I passed but they weren’t overly happy with how she was rebounding.  So I go back in tomorrow for another NST to see if she does any better.  I didn’t notice good BH contractions like I did the week before so that bugged me.  I hope she comes soon.  I just want to meet her.  If she holds out then she will just be the best birthday present I could ask for I suppose:)


I spent the majority of Saturday sewing and wow was my upper back hurting me.  I had to constantly remind myself to use good posture but it was a tad difficult since I never have good posture.  Someday I might, and maybe with sewing I will learn to have it.  I worked a tad bit on the blanket on Sunday but otherwise spent the day with M.  I was a wee bit grumpy due in part to lack of food and then largely because I am hormonal and pregnant and thus cranky on occasion.  However, Sunday was a very productive day as was the whole weekend.  We bought a new set of knives, an iron, new sleep pillows, a chest freezer, and valances for the living room.  All of which was made possible by the end of year bonus.  Most of the bonus went into our health savings account, then some into regular savings, another portion to the car and then some remain to above mentioned items.  The chest freezer was a great deal.  It is only 5.0 cubic feet but we were going to buy it at costco for 149.99 with no way to get it home except ask a neighbor.  I wanted to take a peek at the ones Lowes had and they had one for $20 more but with free delivery.  I mentioned to the sales guy how our pause was caused by it being $20 cheaper at Costco and he instantly said no problem I will take off $20.  WOOO!  M was so happy that I said something cause he was thinking it would be worth an extra $20 to have it delivered.   So score.

OB appointment today went well.  He says things are progressing nicely and that she can come out at anytime.

Also just made a pasta salad that I normally love eating but had to use different salad dressing and well, yuck.  It is all M’s.




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